letters to ollie: 2012

Wednesday, February 23rd 2011 started like any other day. I woke up at 5:30, showered, got dressed, and make eggs for breakfast and ate a cheese stick. At 6:30am, just before I was ready to leave for the train, I went to the bathroom. It was dark in the bathroom, but I could make out that I had a light pink discharge. Not thinking too much about it I headed off to the train. For a split second I thought about telling Cameron, but decided it probably wasn't too big of a deal to make anything out of it.

Once I was on the train I was slightly on edge thinking about the bleeding, but I was also super tired so ended up sleeping most of the way in. I did email Cam from the train and said "Had some blood this morning....good thing I have dr at 11:45 or would be freaking out a little more.." I headed into the office and made a pit stop first at the bathroom. Red blood, albeit light bleeding. Different than what I saw when I left the house. The fact that I was officially bleeding now made me concerned. I called Cam immediately and told him and he said something about low blood sugar/taking insulin/eating breakfast so I think I hung up on him...annoyed.

I got into the office and went into the South conference room to call the doctor. Since it was still before office hours, which start at 8:30, I had to leave a message with the answering service and wait for a call back from the doctor on call. About 10-15 minutes later I got a call on my cell and I headed back to the conference room for privacy. This was probably around 8:20am. I explained to the doctor that I had some bleeding and was experiencing cramps that I equated to menstrual cramps. I sat with a piece of paper and jotted down notes as she was talking......36 weeks not uncommon to experience cervical ripening which results in light bleeding and cramping, being so close to 37 weeks (full term) they would not try to prevent the labor anyway, was the baby moving? be sure to count the movements each hour...should feel six an hour, etc. She said it was not necessary to come into the office but I told her that I had a doctor' appointment scheduled for 11:45 that day anyway.

I felt a little reassured after I got of the phone. Cervical Ripening....that was it. Somewhere in here I communicated this information to Cameron. Little did I know he was consulting Dr. Google at home which told him that labor was imminent. The office starting filling up and the phones started ringing. I took a conference call from the mechanical engineer regarding pipe routing. I sent emails, opened up Revit and starting trying to coordinate the RCPs with the structural steel. Increasingly, the cramps were getting stronger. Not too strong to knock me off my feet, but I think it was starting to show in my face that I was uncomfortable, although few people probably even noticed.

I did get up quite a bit to go to the bathroom...partly to escape to somewhere quiet, and partly to assess what was going on down there. No increased bleeding. I remember at one point sitting on the closed lid of the toilet looking out the window thinking, "but I haven't finished painting the dresser drawers yet". Despite this passing thought, it did not occur to me ONE BIT that I was in labor or that I was going to have the baby soon. All I knew was that it was one month before my due date and the doctor on call told me it sounded like I was having cervical ripening.

I ran into Asia at the front door on one of my last trips to the bathroom. She looked at me and told me that my cheeks were flush and that meant I was going to have the baby. I don't know if she meant THAT day or what, she is Polish so you never know with her! I stood at the door and told that I was feeling a little weird but that I had a doctor's appointment that day. When I got back to my desk for what would be the last time I asked Jonathan to print the structural drawings for me showing the steel at the lightwells. He starting asking a lot of questions and I started looking at the clock (it was around 10:00) thinking to myself "I don't know if I can sit here for another hour waiting for my doctor's appointment". Rebecca came over to talk at my desk and I don't really remember the nature of our conversation....something about the baby. I do remember just agreeing with most of what she was saying mainly because I wasn't really in the mood to make conversation.

I made the executive decision to leave early for my doctor's appointment. The worst that could happen is that I sit in the waiting room at the doctor for an hour vs. sitting at my desk. For a split second I thought about telling Dan that I was going to my appointment, but I just didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially since I didn't think anything was going on....it was just cervical ripening. I grabbed my bag and did a quick sweep of my desk making sure I had my phone, etc. I left my computer on fulling thinking that I would be back for the 12:30 Revit meeting.

On my way out the door I told Andrea that I was going to my doctor's appointment and that I would be back at 12:30. As I was walking out the door she said, "l'd say have fun, but that probably isn't the case" Waiting for the elevator I called Boston Cab and told them I was going to MGH. The elevator door opened and Jim got out. I almost said to him that I was going to a doctor's appointment, but didn't. All we really said was a friendly "good morning".

While standing out front waiting for the cab I called Cam and told him that I was going to my doctor's appointment early. Almost immediately the cab showed up. I told him to take me to MGH. This was 10:30am. As we pulled away he looked in the rearview mirror and said, "you are pregnant, right?" I said yes and he told me that he was not going to speed. In my head I am thinking that he thinks this is like the movies where he drives a pregnant lady in labor to the hospital. I was very calm in the back of the cab. I opened my wallet and started counting out the cab fare. I was hoping the fare would not amount to more than $7 b/c I had exactly $7 or I would have to give him a $20 and I couldn't really think straight to ask for the right change back including a tip.

The cab driver dropped me off at the Yawkee Way entrance and said, "Bon Chance". Again, I thought to myself...he thinks I am having a baby! I am just going to my doctor's appointment early. I got to the doctor's office and checked in at reception. I told the woman that I had an appointment at 11:45, but that I was feeling cramping and bleeding. She told me to sit and that they would be able to see me right away. The waiting room was pretty full. I sat in one of those oversized chairs with my bag in my lap. Okay, now I was feeling uncomfortable but I STILL did not think I was in labor.

They called my name almost right away and took me into an exam room. The nurse came in and and asked me what was going on. I told her about the bleeding and cramping. She gave me a gown and told me they were going to do the Group B Strep test that day if I could handle it. As soon as the nurse left the room I felt intense pain (i.e. a contraction!) I stood by the chair in the room, bent over and held onto the arm rest. I STILL did not think that I was in labor or that I was having contractions. I sat on the table with my blue water bottle waiting for the nurse to come back. I was feeling stressed and completely beside myself. In retrospect I was scare, but totally in survival mode. The nurse came back in with the Doppler machine to listen to the heartbeat. I was so scared that she wasn't going to hear anything. That was my main concern at the time, given my conversation earlier in the day with the doctor regarding the babies movement. When I heard the heartbeat I felt a great sense of relief, but still intense pain. I think the nurse quickly realized that I was in labor because she left the room to get the doctor. The doctor must have been in with another patient because I heard her in the hallway tell someone to tell the doctor to come in right away.

The nurse came back in and tried to comfort me during the contractions. Dr. Colemen came in shortly. She was VERY cheery and I was not really into it. She said that she was going to try to do an exam and to bear with her. She told me that she could not determine how dilated I was because my bag of water was so low. This is the moment it hit me. I asked her, "am I going to have my baby today?". She gave me a big smile and said YES! This was the moment it all set in.

There was scrambling in the hallway and they said that they had a wheelchair ready to take me over to the main hospital. They told me to try to get dressed if possible. I remember the nurse helping me get dressed - shirt on, skirt on, tall black kitten heel boots on. We decided to nix the tights. They gave me a sheet to put over my lap, handed me my bag, and we hit the road!

Out through the waiting room FILLED with other patients. At that moment, I could not absorb the humor of the image of me flying through the waiting room in a wheelchair. The other pregnant woman must have either been horrified or found it hysterical. I guess it depended what stage of their own pregnancies they were in. We flew down the corridor and I fumbled for my phone to call Cam. It was 11:05 at the time. Everything was a bit blurry to me because I was in shock and in pain. I got him on the phone and said you have to come now. I don't think there was much more to our conversation. I may have told him Blake 14. We got to the elevator bank and down we went. At the ground floor we went out the doors and into the Mass General chaotic parking lot. There were people on the sidewalk that actually did not get out of our way when they saw us coming. Luckily the nurse knew how to navigate the crowd.

When we got to the main building of Mass General I remember her telling me that it was like Grand Central Station. I think this is when I closed my eyes and put my head in my hand. I didn't want to see the people and I didn't want them to see me. I was also having contractions so the combination of it all was a lot to take in. I honestly don't remember the elevator ride up, but I do remember getting to Labor and Delivery. We made a quick stop at the front desk to hand them my ID and blue medical card. That is when I saw the other women lined up along the wall with their suitcases backed waiting to check in to triage. We bypassed that whole bit and went strait to the delivery room.

Once inside there was a nurse waiting for me. She told me to get dressed and asked if I needed to use the bathroom. I peed and immediately my water broke. The nurse heard me because she came running in and started helping me undress. I just remember her commenting on my tall boots and asking me why I was wearing heels when I was 9 months pregnant. There was a little bit of humor at the time but I was still in so much shock. As I was still sitting on the toilet I asked if I could have an epidural and she just looked at me and told me that there was no time. I am not even sure that this piece of information sank in right away. I put the gown on and got into bed and realized that my skirt was hiked up around my waist. We got the skirt off and she put two monitors around my belly. The nurse was trying to assure me that I was going to be able to have natural childbirth. You would have thought that I would be spazzing out at this point....like I did back in the day at Dr. Chuchka's office when I had to give blood. There was just NO time to think. It was all about doing what I needed to do in the moment and I am not trying to be zen about it. I was in survival mode.

People were coming in and out of the room and I don't remember at what point I actually me the doctor. It was time to push. I could see a mirror in the corner of the room. Even though it was not pointed at me I aked them to turn it around. I wanted NO chance that see what was going on down there. They kept asking me where my husband was coming from. I told them Beverly. The contractions kept coming. I am sure someone was counting because I certainly wasn't paying any attention. I do remember them saying something about a fetal monitor. I think it fell out and they had to reinsert it into Junior's head. I just remember being really thirsty. So the pushing began.....

Again, they asked where Cameron was. In between contractions I called him. He said he was here and asked if I was having a c-section. I said "no, I am pushing!". I told everyone that he was here. They said that the elevators are like rush hour around this time of day. Someone went out to wait for him. Pushing was weird and I had no idea what I was doing. I was taking big breaths and blowing it out but they kept telling me not to blow it out of my mouth. It was more effective to hold it in. Then they told me the next push I was going to feel some burning. This I was not psyched about. Part of me wanted to not push because I was afraid of how it was going to feel, but I guess my body just did it any way. I am sure I poo'd at some point. I thought I smelled something once and the fact that I had a medley of Fiber One and Kashi cereal the night before pretty much sealed the deal.

I kept my eyes closed for most of the labor and delivery. I had no time to even process the fact that I was doing this alone without Cameron. I was also leaning towards the right side of the bed, as if the bedrails were there for moral support. I heard commotion in the hallway and people saying, "he's here". Cam came bounding into the room. I remember the look in his face of shock when our eyes met. He came over to the right side of the bed. I had two more pushes to go then out popped Junior at 11:52am. Junior was Oliver!

I had always pictured the doctor saying right away, "It's a boy!", but nobody said it. There were hands and arms everywhere and I leaned up to peer over the commotion and saw his little penis. I said out load, "It's a boy". Then they handed Cam scissors to cut the umbilical chord. They laid Oliver on my chest and my world was still spinning. Cam took a few pictures that I barely even remember.

After a minute or two they took Oliver to the warming station to check his vitals, etc. I asked the doctor is the afterbirth was painful and she said I would probably feel some cramping. They told me it can take up to a 1/2 hour for the placenta to come out. During this time they stitched me up. Another thing that I thought would send me into a tailspin, but I wasn't even paying attention. I called Amy to tell her the news. Little did I know that Cam had sent out a picture of me with Oliver and the subject "surprise" to all the family. When Amy picked up I told her, "Amy, I just had my baby!" She was in such shock. We could only talk for a minute because my placenta was not coming out and the doctors had to take action.

After a half hour my placenta still had not come out. The doctor tried to manually extract it - ouch! It still didn't budge. The next step was to surgically extract the placenta in the operating room. Again, I didn't have much time to comprehend what was happening. They popped a meshy hat on my head and wheeled the bed out of the room. Once inside the OR they transfered me to the operating table. The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal and then they put up the curtain. The whole procedure took about 2-1/2 hours because things were not going as planned. My cervix closed up very quickly after the birth and they could not get the placenta out. After a number attempts at manually extracting it (which thankfully I could not feel!) they tried the vacuum. Dr. Lau, my OB who did not deliver Oliver and was not on call, joined the surgical team when she found out what was happening to me. She was the one that kept coming around the curtain to give me updates. She told me that my placenta was still inside and that the next step was to give me local anesthesia because I was losing a lot of blood and the spinal was wearing off. The last resort was going to be to remove uterus. I must of been really tired or drugged or both because I remember thinking...oh well. I also knew that mom was with me which made me feel calm. Fortunately, moments after they inserted the second IV in my other arm, things opened up and they were able to remove the little fucker.

While all this was going on I kept asking the nurse how Oliver was doing, where he was with Cam, and if he was eating. Once the whole procedure was done I was brought back to the delivery room and was reunited with Cam and Oliver and the rest is history in the making!